TMM123 The Truth Series Part 2 - communicate without conflict
Jul 12, 2020
Episode 123 The Truth Series Part 2 - How to share and communicate without conflict
Today’s Blog & Video is part 2 in the TRUTH Series
Learning how to share yours with grace and integrity and holding the space for yourself and others.
Often we feel that to be assertive is to be aggressive - however it is not that at all.
The hardest element is really anchoring in your truth and backing yourself when we have spent most of our lives unwittingly waiting for the approval or acknowledgement of others.
This powerful series will guide you through understanding that it is vital to connect with what you feel and need and have those elements as a priority and that by doing so you hold space to empower others to show up in truth as well. To do this you must surrender control over what that may bring, convincing others or trying to manage a situation, person, place or project.
Truth brings liberation if handled correctly and congruently. You may not get the delivery of it right the first, second or third time but it will flow and you will find your grounding and the freedom it brings will be game changing.
Find the light for yourself and it will shine for others regardless.
Here in this podcast and video are 3 simple steps to begin sharing the who, what and why things really matter without conflict.
SHARING YOURS WITH GRACE & COMMUNICATING WITHOUT CONFLICT
Today’s blog and video is part 2 in the TRUTH Series from my Monday Mojo's - Learning how to share yours with grace and integrity and holding the space for yourself and others.
Grab a quiet spot or a moment and come on this journey with me - it's worth it.
As I was writing this Mojo, I had to reflect on the many conversations with clients lately around the undoing of programming around truth in communication and that coming into that place took a great deal of courage.
Often we feel that to be assertive is to be aggressive - however it is not that at all.
In actual fact I have some wonderful friendships where the truth is the very best approach. It creates such a sense of respect and demonstrates way more care than avoiding it.
Truth is not aggressive or pushy. It just is. It does not claim or manipulate. It holds its own energy.
The point is we were never taught to really stay in this space of truth. From a young age mostly were were taught to be 'good'. To blend in, fit in, people please and comply to some degree or another. We were taught that with truth comes conflict.
Even if you thought you were a rebel chances are you were sticking to a stereotype of that as well. All so exhausting trying to retain the mask....
This powerful series will guide you through understanding that it is vital to connect with what you feel and need and have those elements as a priority. That by doing so, you hold space to empower others to show up in truth as well.
- To do this you must surrender control over what that may bring, surrender the habit of convincing others or trying to manage a situation, person, place or project.
Truth brings liberation if handled correctly and congruently.
- The hardest element is really anchoring in your truth first of all and then backing yourself. Especially when we have spent most of our lives unwittingly waiting for the approval or acknowledgement of others.
- You may not get the delivery of it right the first, second or third time but it will flow and you will find your grounding. Plus, the freedom it brings will be game changing.
Find the light for yourself and it will shine for others regardless.
So when you do take step one to define what your truth is and what's important to you - how do you get the courage to share it without conflict and feeling like you could risk it all?
Here are 3 simple steps to begin sharing the who, what and why things really matter without conflict.
1. Check in with your anchor points (the truth you want to share).
2. Set the scene and ask for the space to share without response (asking for a safe place to be heard without rebuttal is crucial).
3. Breathe and stay centred, never rush, less is more. (No over explaining. Allow for the silence and the space) ....Probably the most difficult part of all. Not every conversation needs a rounding off - when you first learn to lean in to deliver your truth without conflict, it can mean simply leaving the conversation there and saying thank you for being heard.
Supporting this as the listener/receiver.
As listeners must not 'demand' the truth and then destroy the very aspect of the person who is trying to show up and be vulnerable with theirs. That is passive aggressive and will shut down any hope of building trust.
If someone is coming to you with their truth and you feel confronted, uneasy, afraid of the outcome - then this is a chance for you to relinquish control of the situation and just be a safe place for the message to be delivered.
I call this space NEUTRAL - The vital gap between reality and reaction•• - hold that space for the right reasons.
- The fact that this person is trusting you with their information is extremely powerful. Don't put a barrier up, but reserve your judgement and response - and just allow.
- This takes practice - it also creates a moment where you get to see yourself in the situation.
For example: if what they are saying triggers you or makes you want to react, run, put barriers up or 'prevent' the flow - then you need to be aware this is an ideal opportunity to ask yourself: What am I most afraid of?
Whether this is a staff member, a partner, a child or a friend - when there is real truth it will be for the best of all, so ensure you are not attaching an old story to a new situation.
To cultivate a safe open and honest communication style, this is truly like riding as bike. You need to ensure patterns form by creating a safe genuine place for truth to be heard and received consistently.
Likewise as you learn to share yours - practice this carefully with those you trust and learn that calm and clarity are really powerful tools for assertive communication.
Sharing your truth or accepting someones is not being pushy or a push over
We have to be prepared to listen without prejudice and provide this consistently. It doesn't mean being a push over.
You and I both know the difference when someone is truly sharing a vulnerable or crucial aspect of their lives, ideas and values with us - vs a fake-through or manipulation tactic. Listen to your gut.
- Like anything good habits take practice and require a conscious connection to why and how it feels.
- The truth is quieter - it's not negotiating with you all the time....
Usually we over explain things when we need to convince ourselves or others. You know you are standing in your truth when you don't need to say as much - the grounded feeling and certainty is almost audible.
For many years we have been taught to be good - but the greatest asset of all is to be truthful, centred and calm in this and it will provide you a platform from which the greatest relationships can be built.
I hope this second part of the series provides you the next set of tools to try it out and lean in. The LIVE session is now on YOUTUBE - full video is below. Thank you so much for subscribing, liking and joining me this week.
For part one in this series click here.
PS Please subscribe, like and share on YouTube that would be wonderful.
Much Mojo to you, Nikki
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